Plays Well With Others

It's report card time at school, and I always have the hardest time coming up with an individualized comment for each student. It's just so easy to say, "Keep up the good work!" or "Your child is a great student!" But it's tedious and boring, and the parents in this area expect more than a canned comment.
For a laugh, one of the teachers at school put a note in all of our boxes called "Report Card Comments Teachers Would Love To Use." They were pretty funny, so I decided to list some of my favorites here:

• Since the last report card, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
• This student is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
• The student has a full six pack but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
• When the student's IQ reaches 50, he should sell.
• Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
• If this student were any more stupid he'd have to be watered twice a week.
• It's hard to believe that the sperm that created this student beat out a million others.
• The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead.

So there it is. I'm sure some of you are appalled that teachers find humor in stuff like this. You'll also be horrified then to know that we could find at least one student in our classrooms to attach each of these statements to. I apologize, but if I didn't laugh at stuff like this, I'd be crying my eyes out everyday!